Something in common

I went to a pre-deployment briefing tonight. It's the Army's way of trying to make sure all the wives being left behind know basically what to expect from a deployment. What that amounts to is two hours of PowerPoint presentations and guys in BDU's talking-- there's lots of good information shared, but much of it is repetitive if you've spent any significant amount of time around the Army.
So I took the chance to people-watch a little. The military community is a very interesting thing. In some ways, it's completely diverse. There are people of every color, from all walks of life. In a meeting like this, with spouses, you'll see homemakers, career women, and girls that look like they just finished high school--lots of those, actually. Many of us would never have met each other outside the Army, and many of the women in the auditorium tonight I will never say a word to.

But we all have something in common, the women in that room tonight with me, we're all staring down at least a year away from our husbands. And the funny thing is how normal it feels. Not that I'm looking forward to it, and not that I think it will be easy, but it's just something that I've accepted as part of the military lifestyle. It's something we have to go through. It's rather surreal, sitting in an auditorium with a few hundred people, listening to a commander tell us about casualty notification procedures. I sat there wondering what everyone else was doing with this information: How many were personalizing it, imagining themselves being notified about their husband's death, how many were just blocking that whole part of the presentation out, how many were purposefully making the information just another piece of data-- nothing special or emotional, just another bit of information to filed away. And I couldn't help but wonder if someone sitting in that room with me tonight would be made a widow sometime in 2005. Looking at these faces, most young, some with children, some leaning their heads on their husbands' shoulder, I just couldn't help wonder what challenges, hardships and heartbreak faced each one in the coming year.

We share so much in common, and yet we each must face this test alone. There are friends and families for support, but when it comes down to it, on those nights when you lay in your bed crying, wanting nothing in the world more than to just have the man you love wrap his arms around you and tell you it's okay, on those nights, you're alone. On those nights, you have to face the pain and lonliness and fear of all of this by yourself.

Warriors

I interviewed a fascinating man the other night. He was a 22-year veteran of the Army, and spent time fighting in both Korea and Vietnam. Talking with him was both sobering and inspiring.

He told me about a battle in Korea, a battle in which thousands upon thousands of soldiers were killed. He got choked up as he talked about it .... some 54 years later, it still made this man in his 70s cry to talk about the things he'd seen.

That kind of war is something that my generation knows nothing about. We've lost just over 1,000 men and women in a year and half's time in Iraq, and while that loss is heartbreaking, gutwrenching and terrifying, it is such a far cry from wars of other decades, wars in which we lost hundreds, even thousands of people, in a week's time. I'm so thankful that I am blessed to live in a time when those kinds of casualties haven't been endured, and I pray that my generation will never have to see a war like that.

I cannot begin to fathom what a soldier on the battlefield goes through. I can't imagine the horror of seeing your friends die right in front of you, or of having to pull a trigger to kill another human. What a terrifying, awful experience.

What really blows my mind is that Jesse has been there, that he has walked in those boots, seen those sights, pulled that trigger. The man that I love has seen and endured things that I cannot begin to imagine. It's a strange thing, sharing one's life with a warrior. Knowing someone so intimately, and yet being on the outside of an experience that only the one who lived it can truly understand. No matter how well I know Jesse, no matter how many war stories he shares with me, I will never be able to comprehend what he's seen and been through. It's a different world. Something so far removed from our life together. Something that he will always have apart from me.

Who I am

I suppose I should start by introducing myself. My name is Rebekah. I live in west Georgia with my husband, Jesse.

I'm a reporter in east Alabama-- I absolutely love my job. I work with fabulous people, and I think it's awesome that I get to do something I enjoy for a living. Not everyone is so blessed, and I'm very aware of that.

I'm here in the South courtesy of Uncle Sam-- Jesse is a cavalry scout in the Army. We both grew up in the Northwest, and we were married Aug. 9, 2003, about two weeks after Jesse returned from his first deployment to Iraq. He'll be heading back there in early 2005, but that's another topic for another time.

Living in the South is an experience ... it's almost like living in a different country. The culture here is just so completely different than what I grew up with. I've learned a lot, and although I will be very happy when it's time to move back to my beloved West Coast, I think it's been good for me to spend some time in such a completely different corner of the country.

I'm a Christian, and my faith is very important to me. Jesse and I are very active in our church-- we teach the youth group, and we're on the worship team. I don't have a firm grasp yet on what kind of ministry God has in store for us in the future, but I'm looking forward to learning.

I don't have many hobbies-- I don't have time for much outside of my husband, work and church. I love movies, and I enjoy reading, when I have the time. We have the cutest cat in the entire world (And I'm not the least bit biased), she keeps us entertained when we're at home. I'm thinking about taking horseback riding lessons when Jesse deploys, as a way to keep busy. It's something I've always wanted to do, so I just might.

I guess that covers a very brief introduction of myself, the rest will come out as I continue blogging, I suppose.

Here I go

I've been thinking about doing this for a while now. I used to keep a journal-- I have old diaries filled with girlish thoughts and worries-- crushes, parents, insecurities ... the things that seem like the end of the world when you're 13.

To be honest, I still do keep a journal from time to time. But really, I only write in it when there's something particularly important, joyful, or difficult going on in my life. It doesn't have much in the way of everyday life in it. It's just hard to find time in the day to sit down with a pen and paper.

The irony of this is that I write for a living. It's true-- I sit in front of a word processor most of the day-- but it's structured writing, where I have to choose my words carefully and censor my own thoughts and feelings out. It's not the same as just writing.

So I'm hoping this blog will give me a chance to put all those everyday thoughts and feelings down on "paper." If someone reads it, then great--but this is for me. This is my chance to write uncensored, to put into words what I'm really thinking and feeling.